discomfort in the air

I don’t know if I ever felt this before. Maybe I had, other way I forgot. So here I am, 38,000 feet away from the ground on my way to get back to the UK. 8 hours from Jakarta to Dubai was totally fine. Thanks for my tired body where fortunately I could sleep all the time. The other way half way, now, is…. So hurdled. I have no idea what kind of feeling is this exactly. But this discomfort makes my head warm; or too hot indeed, my tummy ache, and none of my bone can stand still. What I am sure of, it is distracting. Well, it is not that I become so dumb that I couldn’t do eat, sleep, read, and other things like I normally do in my flights. So this strange felling is burdening me. I will simply call it ‘discomfort in the air’.

One thing I know for sure, there is something missing yet different inside. I am sick of telling my self that everything will be fine when I know they are not. Problem is, I usually have someone to talk whenever I am not feeling well. But here, inside this big aircraft far above Munich, I have to deal with myself. I did not expect this would happen, though. Everything was really fine before I entered this plane. The theory was… I am not in love and so I have nothing to be worried. But my body seems disagree, like physically and makes this strange feeling even worse because I can’t feel anything like almost suffocate. Until I realize, that I could not tell lie to my self. That I am yearning you badly and part of my body wants to stay with you. All those imperfections, impossibilities, passions to stand still, fake strengths were discounted because of you. Just to be able to spend more time, no matter how tiny they are. All those priceless time.

I sigh several times and wonder if you also feel the same like I do now. And how we are going to work this out. I have tried to prepare myself with my strongest thought and stick with my plan. But here I am, complaining how unfair is this circumstances for me. Maybe for us, if you are agree with me. Well, they say all is fair in love and war. I cannot really accept them for now. I finally give up and open my small savior note book, grab my pen and letting both of them dancing together, creating a new dance of writing and hoping that they would cheer me up a little bit :)

Written literally in the air,

For my unpredictable one

16^th of January, 2011